Wondering

I wonder if you still see this
I wonder if you dream about me
I wonder if your heart beats faster
When your mind makes you think about me
I wonder if everything was worth it
I wonder if we'll ever be the same
I wonder if we can go back
Back to when life was just a game
I wonder if losing was worth it
I wonder if tears are your gain
I wonder if there's something you wanted
Will I ever escape this pain
I wonder if you meant to confuse me
I wonder if you're living your fairytale
I wonder if you're happy now
That my heart is full of nails
I wonder what you dream about
I wonder what you see
I wonder what the world is like
Living in a world without me
I wonder what you lied about
I wonder what you told your friends
I wonder what made life so hard
Is this a life that never ends?
I wish you knew
I wish you saw
I wish you felt the way I feel
I wish you knew
what you did to me.

You would think that I'd be used to it by now. Hearing a song that reminds me of you, and crying because it hurts so much... But I'm not. You would think that I'd be used to the way it feels to be left behind by people I thought loved me. It seems to happen every day now. That it would get easier to hold back my tears in the dead of night.. When nobody would notice. I guess it works.. The dead of night, I mean. Because they don't notice...Nobody does...Oh well, I guess. It's just another day to me... And the fact that the time is passing so quickly scares me. I don't know what to do about... Anything. I don't know how to Be older... To be an adult and have responsibilities, and... I'm terrified of messing it up.Not that that's new to me either. I mess shit up all the time. But the fact that I didn't do anything wrong and I still managed to hurt myself...