I love getting yelled at.

It gives me a reason to be alone.
It gives me a reason to lock my door and listen to music
and be masochistic
and do a jigsaw puzzle because that's the only thing I think I'm good at now.
I love getting yelled at, because I never yell back.
No matter what, I always hold my tongue
take it, and don't give it back.
I love getting yelled at for stupid shit.
Not finishing the laundry when I was sick and in bed all day,
not cleaning up one bowl when I spent an hour cleaning the rest of the house, and had just eaten.
Bad grades, when this semester was the first time I've felt proud of myself for a while,
because I didn't fail anything this time.
I love getting yelled at when really, I shouldn't be,
like when my sister doesn't answer her phone
or when I don't come up for dinner right away because I'm in the middle of a breakdown.
I love getting yelled at.
and made fun of
and irritated beyond belief
and bothered
put down
and forced into things.
It gives me more reasons to lock myself away.